20 Things I Learned at 20

Your favorite Scorpio is turning 21 today, November 3. I want to share what I learned as a 20-year-old wannabe adult. Think of this as a year in review, so it may sound like bragging or a diary. Sit back and grab your favorite snack and/or beverage, because this is going to be a long post!

1. How to Be Vegetarian: I became vegetarian this past summer, so around May of 2019 (Transitioning to Vegetarianism). I always say how proud I am, because I used to tell people “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to become completely vegetarian,” but look where I am now! I wouldn’t say I’m eating healthier or have lost weight, and those are not the reasons why I’m vegetarian. I’m doing it for animals and the environment, folks! 6 months down, and I strive to always keep this lifestyle.
2. Being Mindful: I got rid of a lot of clothes over a year ago, and I am still on my endless journey of becoming more mindful. I pray more, acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, and take time to appreciate my friends and environment.
3. Put Your Own Feelings First: This is a little personal, so I’m going to keep it as vague as possible in order to make it clear that I only mean well. I was in my second official relationship ever this year, and I decided to end it after a few months. Although I enjoyed it, I realized that it wasn’t meant to be and I prefer being single during this part of my life. Causing others pain or anger happens in the process of doing what is best for yourself.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Put a Lot on Your Plate: It feels like I just graduated high school, and now I’m close to graduating college? That’s wild. I’m currently in my first semester of my junior year in college, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so busy in my entire life. Classes five days a week, an 8-week online course that recently ended, a part-time job on campus, president of an organization (Starting an Organization), occasionally tutoring a friend in ASL, etc. Although I’m tired just from reading that, I wouldn’t change it since I enjoy doing so much for myself and others. Challenge yourself, because you just might like being more involved.
5. How to Bullet Journal: This is actually going to be a future blog post of mine, because I am hoping to show my readers what my entire 2019 bullet journal looks like. It is an amazing way for me to relax and be artsy. I’m definitely a perfectionist, so the small pages allow me not to get too frustrated. I have a bad habit of losing things, so stay tuned to see when I find my journal!
6. Be Smart About Your Finances: I’ve always had an uncomfortable relationship with money, which probably originated from being poor as a child. I’m slowly working on that. I budget and log everything I buy in a notebook (Three Types of Notebooks).
7. I Love Studying Abroad: I crossed something off my bucket list at the age of 20? Rad. I’m just going to let my past-self explain this one (Study Abroad in Paris).
8. First Job: It is kind of difficult to explain what my first job is. I’m a peer mentor for a student interest group at the university I go to. The group is related to my major, American Sign Language. We have discussions and do activities pertaining to ASL and Deaf studies. It is fun to be in the position I looked up to for a couple years, because now I can help students like I was helped by the past peer mentors. My first job makes me feel like a lost baby, but I try not to be hard on myself for learning the ropes of adulthood. I genuinely enjoy it, because I have met amazing people and learned a lot so far.
9. Read & Listen on the Go: Manga Rock and Podcasts are where I tend to find stories on my phone. I really enjoy manga. I have a bad habit of starting new things before I finish other things, but I am trying to focus on the list of manga I have bookmarked in Manga Rock. So far, these are my favorites: New Game! by Shōtarō Tokunō, Here U Are by D. Jun, and Sailor Moon by Naoko Takeuchi. It’s nice to read in between classes, on a road trip, or in the dark before bed. My love for podcasts started with My Favorite Murder, which is still my favorite podcast (no pun intended). The episodes I accidentally downloaded to my Podcast library saved me on my excruciatingly long flight back from Paris, France a few months ago. Jenna & Julien Podcast and Ologies with Alie Ward are two others I’ve started listening to also.
10. Adulthood Makes Plans Harder: Friendships are very important during this phase of life, yet we struggle to make plans to hang out. If the person is a good friend, they’ll understand and vise versa. Friends drift apart, which is expected and okay. Even then, you can see each other and connect like the distance was never there. The students within my major are pretty tight knit, so we are there for each other’s laughs and tears. Find your people, and let them know what they mean to you.
11. Speak Up: I have also been working on ways to improve the college experience for LGBTQ+ students on campus. Even if I cannot make actual changes, I am making a difference by bringing important topics to people’s attention. I was on a panel (I Was on a Panel), went to a Human Rights Campaign Gala (HRC Houston Gala), attended an event at the house of my college’s president, and research college politics in order to make changes on campus for LGBTQ+ students. I have always been a bold and persistent person, so why not use my networking skills and professionalism for good?
12. Always Make Time for Yourself & Needs: This is extremely broad, because I think me-time and needs go hand in hand. I have several favorite ways to make time for myself: lunch by myself, therapy (What Therapy Has Taught Me), playing Sims 4, and a special self-care routine I have before bed. No, it didn’t take me two decades to actually learn that I need to eat, sleep, and drink enough water. It has just been emphasized the older I get, because I don’t want to unconsciously impact my health in a negative way. While my autoimmune disease reminds me to eat and drink often, my bad memory from depression reminds me that taking care of myself now will help me in the future. I take daily prescription medicine, gummy vitamins, and B-12 drops every morning to start my day off right. I am nowhere near perfect, because I often take my medicine late or forget to take them. I acknowledge the privilege I have to afford medicine and live a vegetarian lifestyle, so I have no shame in relying on specific items to meet my needs.
13. Burnout Comes in Multiple Forms: I have been experiencing mental and physical burnout. All my responsibilities that I listed already on top of being physically and mentally ill is more than what I’m used to. This doesn’t mean I work more than others or am unhappy with what I’m doing in life, but having mental and physical health issues do make having a busy schedule a challenge for me. I have to be aware of when I need to take breaks or stay home without being hard on myself.
14. People Can Change: This can go both ways, such as myself and others. For example, someone that bullied me in high school apologized to me recently. It takes courage to admit something like this out loud, because I know I’m not the same person I was in high school either. It really reminds you that people hold on to what you say and what they say to you. If you’re holding onto something that’s been eating at you, maybe this is a sign to reach out to someone. If it is just yourself that is weighing you down, you can still analyze yourself in a loving and productive way.
15. Think Before You Speak: I can’t blame my straightforwardness on being my father’s child or my zodiac sign, but I can apologize and/or learn from my actions. I admit to not always saying or doing nice things, so I apologize and learn from my mistakes. I am still trying to figure out how to be more observant and handle my anger issues.
16. Progress Isn’t Linear: I was recently told that I sound like a parent for saying “progress is a process,” but they are words to live by. My college classes and being a more positive person in general are the main things I try to work on everyday. I’ll have good days or weeks then bad days or weeks, and it’s important to remind yourself that this is normal.
17. It’s Okay to Say ‘No’ to Yourself & Others: In order to prevent burnout or getting behind on classes, I cancel or miss out on things. I have an autoimmune disease, which means I have a chronic illness that makes me feel sick often. Since being diagnosed with this as an adult, I soon learned to be patient with myself. This, mixed with depression and anxiety, makes me contemplate what daily tasks I want to do.
18. It’s Normal to Get Stuck in a Rut Sometimes: Whether it is depression or feeling self conscious about how I’m improving in my college major, it can be hard to get out of the imaginary hole that I randomly fall into. It seems like my friends and I are in sync with our cycles of having a bad week. We try to keep each other above water, although that’s difficult if we’re all feeling down. It’s still good to know that we’re there for each other. In the end, we know the feelings and problems will dissipate. Please talk to someone or get professional help if this continues and/or puts your life at risk, because depression is a pretty tough enemy that you deserve to defeat.
19. It Doesn’t Get Easier Missing Someone: I lost my cousin, Coy, to suicide in 2018. We had texted the night before, and waking up to that news haunts me daily. I never blame myself for something I can’t control, yet I ask myself if sending a text about how excited I was to see him the next day would have helped him see one more good day. That’s not the healthiest way to cope, but the mind wanders. I talk about him the same way I talked about him when he was alive, because I didn’t take him for granted. So many things remind me of him, like when I half-sing-half-sob to a song that reminds me of him in the car. The holidays are different without his smile and our shenanigans, but the memories are still there. I feel Coy in the steps I take to be a better person. It doesn’t get easier missing him.
20. Accept Rejection: So many things about me are controversial, so I have learned to be more patient and mature about disagreements or people disliking me for who I am. I’ve ended friendships, had arguments with relatives, and unfollowed people on social media. Some misinterpret this as blocking out those who are different than me, but why should I put up with negativity from people that are supposed to respect and care about me? Life is too short to associate myself with those I have no obligation to interact with. In situations where I cannot avoid certain people, I am mature while keeping my distance. I accept that not everyone will like me or agree with me, and I stay strong for those who do.

The more I write, the more I could add to this list. I can’t comprehend that I have been alive for two decades already. Kinda gross, but kinda cool! I know I have a long way to go, so I am eager to learn more in the years to come.